Edward Vs Chuck

Still in the unlikely and really weird feeling for Twilight, I happened to came up with these gay comment about Edward's famous quotes and Mr. Chuck Norris' possible reactions towards it.

A normal GUY would say:
I LOVE YOU.
EDWARD WOULD SAY:
YOU ARE MY LIFE NOW.
CHUCK WOULD SAY:
WOULD YOU LOVE IT WHEN I GIVE HIS LIFE FOR YOU?

A normal GUY would say:
I WANT TO BE WITH YOU.
EDWARD WOULD SAY:
I DON'T HAVE THE STRENGTH TO STAY AWAY FROM YOU.
CHUCK WOULD SAY:
I WOULD TRAVEL AROUND THE WORLD SO FAST THAT I CAN EVEN ROUNDHOUSE KICK MY ASS JUST TO BE ABLE TO BE WITH YOU.

AS you leave the house...
A normal GUY would say:
BYE SEE YA!
EDWARD WOULD SAY:
HURRY BACK TO ME.
CHUCK WOULD SAY:
CAN I TALK TO YOUR FATHER ABOUT THESE DAMNED CURFEW THING? *WITH SERIOUS EYES AND CLINCHED FIST!*

when you're far away..
A normal GUY would say:
I MISS YOU.
EDWARD WOULD SAY:
ITS LIKE YOU HAVE TAKEN HALF MYSELF WITH YOU.
CHUCK WOULD SAY:
I NEVER MISS ANY TARGET AND I NEVER WILL.*REALLY MISSING THE POINT BUT HE DIDN'T EVEN CARE*

IF YOU DIE, A NORMAL GUY
WOULD FIND ANOTHER..
EDWARD WOULD KILL HIMSELF:
WITHOUT YOU IS A LIFE NOT WORTH LIVING.
CHUCK WOULD FIND YOUR KILLER AND WILL BREATHE DEATH TO HIS/HER EXISTENCE. IF HE CAN'T FIND ONE that would be the end of earth for us. HE will give the earth a full roundhouse kick that will shatter the very foundation of it until it crumble into pieces. *He didn't even bother to know what the real reason of his girl's death.*

There you have it folks, who would you love to love? Me? Of course Cullen, who will bother doing romance with Mr. Chuck... *Chuck suddenly appeared in Maikaru's very face and reached for his neck with tremendous strength. Chuck didn't bother to listen to the words from his victims mouth*